JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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