tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
