My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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