did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
