does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
