Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
