it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
