Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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