im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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