the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I looked at my own cervix.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
