Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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