My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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