you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
