i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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