sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
