Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bring me that man meat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
