the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
