butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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