I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
