Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize