I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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