so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
