I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
