some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
