hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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