I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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