just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
