You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
