you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
