Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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