There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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