btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
