So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
