i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
