my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize