Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
