apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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