I think my vagina is haunted
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
