My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
