I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
