I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
