U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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