my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize