home. puking in laundry basket.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
