hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
