I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
