i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dicks are not precious.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
