Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
