next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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