I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
