I wish I could teleport
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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