I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
