I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
