Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
