MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
