Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
