So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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