one two three fourrrrnication!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
