She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
