the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
