I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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