Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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