guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
