exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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