When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
