last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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