I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize