based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
