Already got asked if we're dating
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm too high and old for this...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize