so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
