3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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