...so i touched it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize