The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
