college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
