i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
