and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
