mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
