If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cat gives me a boner
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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