her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
