woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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