At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
