I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
