i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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