Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
