My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got inside last night via doggy door
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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