Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
