I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
