belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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