Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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