I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
