Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
